I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
