is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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