I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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