That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my shit smells like andre
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
