too bad you live with your parents still
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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