Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
