did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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