I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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