i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
