We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
