wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
