True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
