my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
