please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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