He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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