I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
