Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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