I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
