I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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