Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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