I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
