She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
