Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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