glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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