so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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