someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
