I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
