I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
