i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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