did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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