she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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