I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Where is the hickey?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
