She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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