I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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