So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
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He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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