so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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