I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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