I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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