One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
