at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
