It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The struggles of a small town man whore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
