sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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