one word: firstdatebathroomanal
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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