Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
