My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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