He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
