Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
