She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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