I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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