I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
