Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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