I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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