I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
