I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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