If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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