so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
