I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
