Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
