onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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