Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
