it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
