Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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