he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
