It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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