The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
