Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were destined to go to rehab together
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
