Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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