Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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