There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
