How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
