I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
