How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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