Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
